Why choose me? What makes me the Doula for you?



Those are very reasonable questions. So allow me to tell you a little more about myself. I will start by telling you there is nothing you could do or say that would shock me. I am non-judgmental and am often told I am very easy to talk to. No matter what you have been through, are feeling or thinking, I am willing to listen, to care and to help as best I can. Through the love and compassion of others I learned that I was a beautiful person worth believing in and fighting for and I want to pass that on to other women. I believe in paying all things forward.

I am the mother of two wonderful children (12 year old daughter and 8 year old son) and I have been very happily married to the man of my dreams for nine years. My husband spent 12 years in the Army and is now a disabled veteran.

At the age of ten my grandmother (who was my best friend and my hero) died of cancer. I took a month off of my 5th grade year to tend to her as she died. I remember every moment and I wouldn't have changed being there for anything in the world. That experience set a fire within me that I wanted to help other people. I wanted to be there to calm their fears, to ease their pain, to offer them love, dignity and respect even through the hardest moments in life.

I grew older and suffered abuse in various forms and rape and made plenty of my own mistakes. These, too, are things I would not change, for they gave me empathy, an understanding of the human condition that many people lack. I have actively worked to assist victims of child abuse, rape and spousal abuse for the past 10 years. 

I became pregnant with my daughter at 17. I remember the stares and the comments under people's breath, that feeling like I was something disgusting. I remember feeling a lack of support, respect and dignity was not a word I could even comprehend. It was a highly complicated pregnancy, if it could go wrong... it did. Then she was born, though my birth story was not ideal my daughter was. My mother showed me kindness and she also showed me tough love. She forced me to be a mother when I wanted to stay a child and I have never been able to thank her enough for the woman she turned me in to.

Later I would reconnect and fall back in love with my high school sweetheart. We had our son and things were very different. It was a beautiful and touching experience. I felt cherished and respected, I felt I had control and I felt accomplished after having my son. I remember thinking that every woman should feel this way.

When my husband was in the Army we got stationed in Germany for three years. I attended my first two births in Germany. One was a female I had never met before. She was dumped into my arms outside the TMC in the middle of a miscarriage and I was told to take her to the German Hospital. I didn't even know her name. I stood by her through every moment. I held her hand and wiped her tears. I couldn't make this a good experience but I could ease some of her pain. I had never held a stranger like that and I never thought it would come so naturally to me. I stayed with her for three hours after she lost her child until her fiance was able to get to the hospital. I remember her hugging me and thanking me. Back then, I couldn't imagine what for. Even in a moment like that, a woman deserves a Doula.

Then a friend of mine was pregnant and she needed a coach (what I now refer to as a Doula). She decided to labor in the German Hospital and she labored for 72 hours. They were inducing her but in Germany they give you a pill, you lay in a bed for 90 minutes and then you walk for two hours... then you do it all again and this went on for three solid days. She had her child naturally. She felt so empowered by her ability to go through that and I was so very proud of her. There were moments when she thought she couldn't do it. I had read no books, had no training so I just went with my gut. Years later I would learn that my gut was pretty good at knowing the right things to do.

The benefit of observing a labor in Germany is they use all these different tools and equipment for natural birthing. I learned so much just from walking around. It added to my bag of tricks. I learned positions and the use of birthing balls, stools, and contraptions you would have to see to believe.

When I came back to the states my best friend found out she was going to have another baby and she wanted me there. She had decided on an all natural birth. She was induced and I stayed with her and her husband all the way through. Birthing balls, position changes, mopping up all the fluids and whatever was needed of me. For 15 hours I stayed by her side as we found out there were complications I kept her and dad calm. As labor got harder I was able to keep her focused. When my best friend hemorrhaged  after giving birth and I was watching her bleed to death before my eyes I held her gaze and her hand, I smiled and told her I loved her and things would be fine. She never knew how bad things were. She still doesn't know the full story and it's better that way. The nurse and I scrubbed and cleaned my friend, the bed and the entire room while she was sedated for about 15 minutes after they controlled the bleeding. I remember the nurse telling me I didn't have to do that, I told her that my best friend would wake up to clean white sheets and her perfect baby as if nothing had gone wrong and that's exactly what happened. It was as it should be. She deserved her happy birth memory and story.

So when my friend decided to have her next baby she said there was no way she would do it without me there. Her baby was born on my 30th birthday. Healthy, happy and well. This was also a natural birth but this time, it was only 5 hours long. See, I had learned new tricks on positions that help flip a baby that is positioned wrong and this one came out almost too fast for the doctor. He had never delivered a woman that was on her hands and knees giving birth. The shock on his face still makes me laugh when I recall it. My friend said it was the easiest delivery she ever had.

That day, looking into my new God daughter's eyes... I knew this was for me. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life helping women bring babies into this world and feeling empowered and satisfied with their birth experience. I guess I should have mentioned... I can't have anymore children. At the age of 21 I had that option taken away from me, but I can help others. I can be there for those precious moments and I can handle anything thrown my way. I learned at the age of 10 how to stay calm no matter how intense things get. I know what it's like to be a single mom, a teen mom and a married mom. I know how to help fathers feel and be more involved with the birth of their children and I know how to make a mother not feel alone if their partner isn't there.

What makes me different? The life I have lived and the things I have seen have lead to me being an honest, non-judgmental, understanding, calm under pressure and compassionate person due to experience that can never be garnered from a book or a class.   


               Testimonials

“The Tale of Lyric Dale”

(From Mom)
I have always thought that choosing a Doula is a very personal decision; this is someone who will help guide you through and be there with you during one of the most precious, miraculous, and memorable times of your life. Paula was my Doula with 2 of my pregnancies. This is Lyric’s story.

I had recently left a terribly abusive relationship, without going too far into details; let’s say it was bad enough that I had to get a protective order. I got back in contact with a man, whom I had dated off and on, and things finally came together, and we got married. I find out that I am due mid to late February. Paula was there for me, she sat with me on the phone, on her porch, or on my porch, for what seemed like countless hours. Any time of the day or night, she answered not only questions I had about my pregnancy, but also about things having to do with my older 2 children. Things like how to deal with other problems that might come up after the new baby was born, such as how to deal with feelings of jealousy, and regression with my 4 year old daughter.

I went into pre-term labor, and visited the hospital, and was referred back home to labor several times. As my delivery date edged closer and the contractions started, Paula would time contractions with me, either in person, or over the phone. I ended up going past my due date, and was induced on March 4th. Paula drove to the hospital with me, helped me get checked in, and got me settled into my room. Both her, and my husband proceeded to snap countless pictures of the blessed event. Once the contractions got seriously strong, and they broke my water, things got complicated. There were traces of maconium in amniotic fluid. Suddenly I became a high risk pregnancy.

The doctors began pushing for a c-section because I had been in labor for so long and was not progressing. It was roughly 5:30 pm by this time, and I was dead set on an all natural child birth, this news was devastating to me. Paula helped me stick to my birth plan, and convey to the doctors to give me a little more time. Paula got me up on the birthing ball, and helped with techniques’ that would assist in getting Lyric to descend.  After another 2 hours (at around 7:25pm) the doctor checked me again, and I had progressed to 5 cm, that’s when the doctor really started pushing for a c-section.

(From Dad)
There hadn’t been any fetal distress, Lyric’s heart rate was strong and true, but it seemed that every time I turned around some doctor or nurse, was talking about taking a scalpel to my wife. This wasn’t our first time at the rodeo; this was my wife’s 3rd child, and my 7th. I had played this cat and mouse game with the doctors before, but for some reason this time was different. The doctor’s and the nurse’s seemed to be scared, which did nothing for my nerves. But Paula was there to help me keep my head on straight, and keep focused so I could be there for my wife, and my daughter.

She helped me to help my wife, and I to stick to our birth plan, and make sure that Hospital Staff gave us the treatment and delivery that we wanted, and what was best for our daughter. My wife was tired, but determined, she wavered a bit, but with Paula’s help we were able to keep to our birth plan, and convinced the doc to give my wife another 30 minutes of laboring on her own.

(From Mom)
Paula leaned in and whispered to me “I think Lyric is sunny-side up, I’m going to have to put you through a little pain, but if you do this, we are going to have this baby in the next 20 minutes.” My husband and I were skeptical, but thus far Paula was batting a 1000. She had me get up on my hands and knees and rock back and forth.

(From Dad)
At first I was skeptical about having my 41 week wife up on her hands and knees in a hospital bed, rocking back and forth, trying to get the baby to descend further. But I had to admit that Paula was doing one hell of a job thus far. She kept my wife calm, and focused, and helped me stay calm as well. It hurt me, to see my wife in pain like that, but I have to admit it was exactly what needed to be done at that moment in time.

Because at 7:56pm our beautiful 8lbs. 5oz. healthy lunged, loud, proud and true screaming baby girl was born. I counted all her fingers, and all her toes, made sure she had 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 mouth, and 1 nose. She was there, the precious piece of you, that lets you know why we were put on this earth. To see a true miracle happen once is simply amazing. But on that March 4th I was blessed with 2 miracles.

(From Mom)
After I fed Lyric for the first time, the nurse came in to do her usual post birth check; you know when she pushes into your pelvis to make sure you’ve contracted. I handed my new born daughter to her proud daddy, and proceeded to not enjoy the next few minutes. I was hemorrhaging, and it wasn’t lightly either, I remember Paula was there by my side, holding my hand, talking to me, and keeping me calm, I don’t remember much of what happened after that, but I do remember hearing Paula, and seeing her every time I opened my eyes.

(From Dad)
I was holding my beautiful newborn baby girl, as the nurse began pressing on my wife’s pelvis. Its hard to put into words what I saw, the easiest way I can convey the actual way it happened is like this. Blood poured out of my wife like a fountain, I remember asking later how much blood she had lost, and the nurse said 800ml (almost enough to require an emergency transfusion.) I went from earlier being worried about if I was not going to be able to bring my daughter home from the hospital, to worrying if my wife would survive to return home to our family with me. I was stunned, I couldn’t think, I didn’t know what to do or say to help my wife, I just stood there dumbfounded clinging to my daughter and praying my wife would survive.

Paula was there, by her side, knee propped under my wife, when she panicked and tried to climb out of the bed, when the nurse tried to give her medication to stop the bleeding.
Paula looked my wife, and said “Do you trust my knowledge of pharmaceuticals” my wife nodded agreement, and Paula looked at the nurse, and told her to ‘push’ the medication. Her ability to stay calm in that situation is what I accredit my wife being alive to. She remained calm, focused, and determined that everyone was making it through that delivery healthy, and ready to go home in a few days.

(From Mom)
Later when I woke up, I was laying in a nice warm clean bed, my daughter and husband next to me, Paula still at my side. She stayed with us until my daughter and I were moved into the recovery room, once I was settled in. Paula drove my husband home. The next day I got to come home with Lyric, Paula came over to the house and checked on all of us to see how things were going.

(From Mom & Dad)

Paula was involved in all aspects of our pregnancy, labor, delivery, aftercare. She assisted us in writing up our birth plan, and sticking with it when one of the other of us wanted to change the plan because we had lost faith in ourselves. Paula had enough faith for all of us. She remained focused, kept both my husband and I calm throughout the labor, and she maintained a calm level head throughout the entire procedure. If you’re truly serious about a Doula, there isn’t a better one you can find than Paula Dale Harkins.

We hope the insight to our life experience with Paula as our Doula, will help you decide that she truly is the right person for the job.

Sincerest Regards;
Amanda & Robert Engel
Please Feel Free to Contact for a Reference @ 254-547-9337